My Friends: Awful Awesome Assholes

If there is a theme that ties together the last week or so, it would be that I have found some great people here in D.C., and that all of them are just as horrible as I am. Since last Wednesday night, I have been home two nights. Thursday and right now. And even tonight I ran back over to Steph's to get her dad's old cat stuff to keep Harper fat, happy, and brushed. Granted, now I'm doing laundry and dishes, and I still need to shovel catshit before I fall asleep in my continuing quest to outsleep the PLAGUE I have contracted, so I'm not really all that relaxed this evening -- aside from the bottle of wine I decided was lonely. Poor lonely cab-sav. I will comfort you.


Wednesday at work was kind of downright bad, so Goo swooped in and brought me some goodies to help me get through the day. In her words, it was her "Sistine Chapel." I wish I had not-so-subtle pictures to share, but needless to say, it was Laffy Taffy and a very tasty Coke Zero I nursed until I grabbed my stuff, told my boss I was working from home the next day, and fled D.C. for the evening. Friends continued to be awesome Wednesday night, as Steph had me over to her place (and Dan and Jason's now) along with Trevor for Beer Trek. This quickly devolved into bacon and a game called Cards Against Humanity, which is basically Apples to Apples for horrible, horrible people -- so pretty much perfect for us. Mandy stopped by briefly and proved with her vagina coughing that she absolutely fit into our motley crew. Beer and cider were had, bacon was nommed, and Pac Man committed unspeakable acts.

Harper in a box. Do not be fooled by her chubby cuteness.

On Thursday, for the first time since I started working at the House, I teleworked. This was pretty great, as nobody from the office ever called or e-mailed me. I was able to work on the Congresswoman profile and project tutorial I was writing while taking liberal breaks for watching West Wing (which, you know, is totally work-relevant) or taking a walk outside. I also totally slept in until like 11. Unfortunately, we're not supposed to do this too often, and I had none of the resources I normally have at work (giant library, paid databases, eccentric encyclopedic brain of my crazy old Asian coworker), but it still felt like I was a nerdier version of Ferris Bueller. Sans parade, sweet convertible, and smoking hot 1980s-era Mia Sara. Oh, and I actually did start getting sick Thursday. So basically nothing like Ferris Bueller. Balls.

I left work early Friday due to sick and then, checking absolutely NO weather reports and flying blindly into what saner men labeled "DISASTER," I drove over to Steph's and picked up Dan and Jason for a night of awesomeness I had been pestering Davia about throwing since Kelsey was visiting Mike. I also contributed awesome Safeway 6-layer dip, chips, and plenty of beverages, and then I made like Noah (bearded and biblical, not eccentric and exasperating) in a traffic jam and braved the floods, so I don't feel too bad about the pestering. In somewhat of a miracle given the torrential downpour we were treated to, almost everyone showed up for Friday, including the first post-formation party with Dong Vibe.* Friday included an even bigger game of Cards Against Humanity, and then we eventually dispersed for the evening.

*(Dong Vibe consists of me, Dan, Jason, and Will. Noah (eccentric and exasperating) desperately wants to be a part, and we are considering his application. Dong Vibe is a 2010s boy band which will do covers of awesome songs. Our first album will be The Dulcet Tones of Dong Vibe. Watch out, world.)

3/4 of Dong Vibe. I'm being groped. Vigorously.

Saturday I met Mike, Kelsey, Kelsey's roommate Wendy, and her New Zealander penpal Sam over in D.C. by the OEOB and proceeded to provide obscure trivia on the city and its landmarks, as well as well-timed snippets of American History for our foreign friend. Kelsey and Mike briefly tried to convince Sam that Lincoln was a vampire hunter, but I managed to recover from my brain aneurysm long enough to explain why Lincoln was actually our most awesome President in a stovepipe hat. (To be fair, he may also have hunted the undead. The history is unclear on this point.) Sam and Wendy were also fascinated by and had beautiful moments with a couple squirrels. It was touching. No, touching isn't the word. Scary. It was scary.

After a thorough tour of the Mall and a musical montage in which we picked up Collins, Noah, Davia, and Kelsey's sister Kim and charmed the entirety of the district, we convinced Mike to abandon his meat pie plans and regroup back at his place without the unnecessary detour. Once there, we were joined by Goo, Reno, and David Husband. Also beer and pizza. Super American. Extra fun was Goo's breaking of David Husband. I would like this to be a recurring thing, and I want to always be present for it.

Sunday evening I got a call from Davia who hesitantly asked me if I wanted Thai food and then to help her, Dan, and Steph build a fort. As you can imagine, this was not so much a question of whether but when. I met them over at Steph's, horfed down some Thai food while watching Captain Sisko goatee his way into the original Star Trek and play in a furry ball pit. Then the real work began. The construction of Fort Kickass in Steph's living room.

Steph's new Facebook cover photo.

Dan had not yet unpacked fully, so we used all of his many boxes and anything we could find lying about in Steph's place for the walls. We used a tent ground-tarp and umbrellas for the roof, and constructed a pillar that doubled as a light source in the middle of the fort out of a standing lamp and a cube-stool. Inside the fort  we had a couch, a chair, the piano, a TV, a built-in cabinet and shelves, and the "Danger Zone" located around the lamp and little stand that held many of our spillable items, much to our poor planning. Steph also added a sheet for the doorway, and we used Dan's party clock for the door arch.

Team Fort Kickass. No fatties.

Fort Kickass was our home for much of two days. Like an insane asylum without the cool jackets. I spent the rest of Sunday night and plenty of Monday afternoon and evening in the fort. The fort saw the entirety of the 90s X-men cartoon first season, the finale of Game of Thrones, Captain America, Super Troopers, and more games of Cards Against Humanity (we might have a problem). By this morning, Davia had spent almost 40 hours continuously in the fort with only brief excursions outside. As Dan said, "At first the fort was awesome; now it's become an addiction." We think she's ok, and are pleased to report she has been properly reintegrated into society.

Half of Dong Vibe and a creepy Davia photobomb.

I also battled lung-killing sickness all weekend, but particularly Monday, where my weekend of not-resting-at-all finally caught up with me. I don't regret it at all though. After asking "what's next?" last week, it was very refreshing to learn that the answer was loads of time with these crazy wonderful awful people I've met here. Hopefully I have not given any of those people plague... Also, Fort Kickass. It still stands as of 8:30 this evening. Jason's awesome cane-wielding grandma saw it and approved. Adulthood sure seems a hell of a lot like childhood, just with more alcohol.

Explains Congress.

And also, Davia, I totally have the NBA playoffs on in the background while I'm writing this. Totes manly. Wine gulp.