A Brave New World

Goodbye. So long. Farewell.

After graduating college, being both terrified of the working world as a liberal arts degree holder in the midst of a recession and too poor to launch into a doctorate program that might drive me into debt so deep I couldn't say daylight, I spent a year on a decent scholarship getting my Master's Degree in Commerce. It was supposedly a program meant for the average liberal arts degree holder. It was instead a crash course in business doubletalk and the positives of becoming a yuppie accountant or market analyst for enormous faceless firms.

For the last year nearly to the day, I have been employed part time (and one week full time!) at Target in the Manassas Mall on Sudley Road. For the most part, my co-workers and employers have treated me with kindness and respect. While they may not have understood my educational background or aided significantly in my wishes to advance both in pay and status during my admittedly short tenure, they universally praised my work and we typically enjoyed each other's company.

Thank heavens that's over. I'd like to take this time then to make a few reaffirmations that I feel have been a long time coming.

• I was not a "team member." I was an employee with co-workers.
• Customers are not "guests." Any guest I know who royally screws up my home would never set foot in the house again.
• Weaknesses don't need to be dressed up verbally as "opportunities." If you're weak in something, it's a weakness. As in the opposite of a strength.
• If I want to look into something, I refuse to "drill down."
• Clothes are no longer "softlines." Not clothes are no longer "hardlines."
• No, I can't help you find diddly. Don't ask me.
• Do NOT get a Red Card. Horrible interest rates. 5% is a crappy discount.
• The customer is so rarely right it hurts.
• No, it is not in the backroom.
• Yes, thank you. I appreciate you thought I "managed execution" by actually doing my damn job and "strove for results" by actually working.

I could make a whole lot more statements about the importance of flexibility when it comes to corporate entities' interaction and guiding of their local storefronts. I could comment on the broken promises that turned full-time into part-time again in 7 days. I could remark on the fact that cutting payroll and wondering why guest service suffers is ridiculous.

But you know what? It's over. It's done. I have a whole week of self-imposed vacation now to relax, decompress, and gear up for a job that I actually hope to make a career of - a career that is academic in nature, collegial in atmosphere, and one that aligns perfectly with the subjects I studied for four years.

And you know what I'm going to do during this week? I'm going to watch football, read a few books, sleep in, visit family, visit friends, eat amazing food, and generally be content.

It's a brave new world without that red and khaki and all those meaningless buzz words to try and reshape my mindset. I'm gonna jump right in.

Josh's Incredibly Late Reviews! TRON: Legacy

Greetings, programs! I've missed a lot of great TV shows and movies due to being poor, young or just generally late to the game. Thankfully, I have Netflix so I can catch up. Well, today I sat down and watched TRON: Legacy on blu ray, and it was AWESOME. Grab your disc and let's sit down and talk about it.

And Now for Something Completely Different...

So, I'm not abandoning this blog, but it's no shock to say I've had a hard time getting up the inspiration to write for it. With no set schedule, a very busy summer and a depressing job search, writer's block has run rampant on my brain. Lo siento.

However, this post is to let anyone know who RSSes my blog (I have no idea who that would be) or otherwise gets alerted to its infrequent updates that I am in fact writing again. It may even inspire me to write more offbeat weird random stuff here! But for now, I am focusing on television, which is really something I'd love to one day have a job writing about, but sadly lack the journalism credentials or friends on entertainment websites and/or Hollywood connections.

But as a hobby I'm going to be re-watching Mad Men from the beginning, two episodes a week, and blogging about it in my new blog over at TV Moose. The show is available in its entirety, and in HD even, via Netflix Instant Streaming. I can't recommend it highly enough, and I'd love it if newbies and veterans alike would join me in discussing it. Hope to see people over there!

Why I Should Work in Hollywood

You watched The Social Network, a movie written by prose genius Aaron Sorkin, get nominated for an Oscar. But did you know that yet more possibilities existed to milk the surrounding entertainment industry into Hollywood blockbusters? Inspired by the shamelessness of today's film executives and the desperate need to fill the screens with something other than comic book superheroes, teenage wizards and vampires, and hilarious be-dreadlocked pirates, I offer some suggestions of my own. I mean, how many times can Jerry Bruckheimer kidnap Johnny Depp's family and force him into a wig and bandana? At least twice more you say? Well then...

Without further ado, my pitches for the Movies of Tomorrow:

How Not to Be a Crappy Customer

I have worked retail in one manner or another for much of my employable life. I started out as a stock boy and spent most of my time freezing back in a cooler stocking awful beer and sticky soda. The rest was spent cleaning up after the muddiest bunch of rednecks you will encounter this side of an actual mud farm. Since then, I moved onto the register, first at that small gas station/deli and later at a major corporate retailer famous for red shirts, khakis, and really annoying commercials. These days, I’m putting my expensive Masters Degree in Commerce towards pointing a price gun at poorly placed labels and counting SKUs. So, yeah, I have some experience in retail. Or at least, I have enough experience to know the primary maxim of retail.

People suck.

Tips and Tricks for Conquering the Road

Remember Driver’s Ed? Some had private lessons. I drove with a horde of classmates from high school, together crushing those feeble cones that dared stand between us and a license (at least that’s how I remember it). Then, of course, I drove all over the county with my napping instructor in the passenger seat. It was slow going, but I attained that shiny laminated card which simultaneously made me competent to steer a machine of destruction and, a few years later, made me legally able to imbibe magical can’t-drive beverages. Surrounded by a big rolling metal shell, I was more powerful than ever before. Driving was freedom, and I was a master of the road.

Until I started driving in Northern Virginia.

What You Can Learn from a Rat

So obviously, I’ve been feeling a little writer’s block-y the past two weeks. Sorry. I got some bad news and it totally, completely blocked me. That hasn’t REALLY been fixed, but I feel too darned bad to not update the blog at this point. After all, this was supposed to be something I was going to do at least once a week. To summarize, it’s not my fault! YOU! Put down the fire and the pitchforks! Me no like fire. Unless it's roasting a nice duck, peking style.

Which brings me to today’s entry:

Wheel of Time Book 1: The Eye of the World Review

Books are inherently cool. Not to knock oral tradition or anything, but books sort of take the blue ribbon in the carrying-on-stories-and-knowledge department. I've been an avid reader since I was a young kid. I devoured books growing up (much like I devoured food. Mmm... food). In high school specifically, I spent most of my time in class ignoring whatever was going on and instead reading the already massive Wheel of Time series by Robert Jordan. At that point, the series already had nine books out there with a tenth on the way and no signs of stopping. However, Jordan paused to write a prequel, New Spring, and the time between books grew and grew. I went to college, and between the rigors of classwork and actually having an active social life, reading sort of dropped away. When the eleventh book in the series came out, I discussed it with Brian - my stalwart fellow reader - but quickly forgot it.

Then Robert Jordan passed away, God rest his soul. Hope of having the series finished flitted away...until Brandon Sanderson, a self-professed fan of the books and author in his own right, was called in by Jordan's widow to finish the series. My senior year of college, the twelfth book of a finally confirmed fourteen book series was released. Suddenly, I had to play catch-up.

So as I read, I figured I'd review the books and offer my own comments as I go along. At this point, I've re-read Books 1-6, and have started Book 7. My reviews will likely be fairly short until I get closer to my current novel. For now though, here's The Eye of the World.

“The Five Shows You Should Be Watching”

I am a TV freak. I love television. I don’t sit in front of one every second of my free time, or even the majority of it, but I love TV as a storytelling medium. I wince every time someone says “there’s never anything good on” or that they don’t own a television because “what’s the point?” Sure, a good 75% of television is utter mindless crap. But in the interest of picking out the diamonds from the turds, I present my five shows you should be watching.

"Get Off My Lawn"

            Kids these days…

Back in my day you had to buy shiny discs to listen to music, you had to allow a demon to possess your computer to get on the interwebs, and your game controller had four buttons and a D-pad. Ok, so when I conceived my blog, I can honestly say I didn’t plan on making my second post turn me into Old Man Rivers. But after talking to some younger co-workers and customers (I refuse to call them “guests” when not being paid for my time), I’ve realized that… man, kids these days.

"Write What You Know"

            “Write what you know” has been the mantra of anyone I ever asked for advice (and some who I never really approached) about my writing. My father, my teachers, even professional-opinion-havers like people who actually get monies to write/edit/judge literature agreed: Write what you know. Why? Because… well… it’ll seem more honest. There will be a depth and sincerity to your prose otherwise lacking in a five hundred page opus of space monkeys and undead machines. Contrariwise, you can give your supernatural epic some sort of grounded human theme like loss, greed, or the great topics of the day (like is it ok to disagree with the President even though he’s black?).

            Real heady stuff.