The Mega Post (Part 3: Revenge of the Birthday and Derecho Douchebaggery)

And now, the final portion of a LOT of stuff that has happened. Previously, on Josh's blog, you read it, and it was good, but it stopped at Thursday with health care stuff and a lot of boring work things that no one cares about. Onto more thrilling stuff in the exciting finale of... THE MEGA POST! Actually, wait. I feel like I'm setting your expectations way too high here. I don't fight crime or anything. I just, you know, do stuff. It's fun, I like it. Then I write about it. Again, no crime-fighting. Ok, now that's starting to sound like I'm hiding something, so... fuck it. MOVING ON.

Best hang onto your word-hats, kids, cause this post has NO PICTURES. OH YEAH.

On Friday, half the people were gone from work, and while there was some lingering work from the previous day's reference requests, a lot of it was back to the standard projects we've been working on (publications, website, historical analysis projects, etc.). So that was fairly quiet. Everyone was sort of unwinding from the past week, so I just chilled at my place, reading and cleaning and being a "responsible adult." Boring stuff. Oh, except I learned college-aged Lyndon Johnson liked to wag himself at people after a shower and talk about all the ladies he was totally going to bang. That was exciting to learn. And now you know too. You're welcome.

At some point I got a text from Dan that he might need me to pick him up from the metro late and take him home. I have no problem doing this as I am a nice guy. Humble too. But at about that time, with pretty much no warning, we were hit by the Apocalypse. Out of nowhere at around 10 PM, the wind picked up to 60+ MPH, rain drove against my windows in sheets with bits of hail for added fun, and lightning and thunder played havoc with the night sky. In other words, it got hairy out there like nobody's business. I informed Davia and Sara of the impending Doom-Storm, which prompted them to rationally freak out. Granted, their tree actually fell down in their yard. I had no falling tree issues. Nor did my power go out. For an apocalypse, it was pretty tame on my end. Also, if you need to ride out the end of days, my place is a good place to do it, it would seem. Word to the wise and all that.

Finally, the storm died down a bit before midnight. About that time, Dan called to make sure I could still get him from metro. Sure, no problem. Thirty minutes passed. An hour. Ninety minutes. No Dan. Finally I get a text that he's at Arlington Cemetery and I should head to Van Dorn to get him. After waiting a bit (it's about 20 minutes from Arlington Cemetery to Van Dorn), I drove over to wait for him. And I waited. And I waited. This led to me sleepily live-tweeting my boredom and increasingly deranged mind. Feel free to check out my twitter for that.

Finally at about 2 AM, I drive home after dropping off a sleep-deprived and somewhat inebriated Dan at a house that it turns out had no power. Also, I was thirsty, and so I stopped at a 7/11 to get some soda for the house (and to flaunt my working fridge at the world). In a karmic fit, the card reader declined my debit card and wouldn't let me pay 3 bucks for a couple 2-liters. This was a particularly low moment in my life.

On Saturday, my phone went crazy and wouldn't allow me to place any outgoing or answer any incoming calls. Apocalypse. It did, however, let me text and get voicemails from the calls I could not answer. So, around noon, I get a voicemail from Dan asking that I help him save the food from his, Steph's, and Jason's place. After much plotting and planning, I once again found myself in the Van Dorn parking lot to pick him up as he returned from campus to save ALL THE PERISHABLES. We stuffed five bags full of freezer and fridge food, Dan gave me some comics to reciprocate for our prior nerd exchange, and we hauled ass back to the land of air conditioning AKA The Apocalypse Free Zone. And since then Dan has lived at my place, so that's fun.

Saturday night, I dressed all in black (in a 100+ degree day, because I am committed and I love my friends) and drove the thirty minutes into D.C. for a swanky murder mystery dinner party. Four rounds, four courses, nine bottles of wine, eight fancy dressed people, lots of dancing, and one murder later, I drove home (I was fiiiiine).

I should probably talk about the party a bit more, since it was really the crown that topped this Mega Post. It's difficult to do it justice. Let's start with the food. Davia, Sara, and Noah managed the menu. They opened with baked brie and berry preserves, followed it with a potato soup (with fancy stuff I forget but I think bacon was involved and it was TASTY), provided a main course of chicken provencale and roasted asparagus drizzled with a mustard glaze, and finished with a dessert of homemade chocolate pate with more of the homemade preserves and vanilla ice cream. It was an adventure of the tastebuds alone, forget anything else! Awesome food taste is sort of a prereq of being friends with me, just so you know, and all of my current friends pass that test.

Moving on to the mystery itself. The mystery took place on the "last train from Paris" during World War II. I was the American gangster with a shady past Malcolm "Mal" R. Contint. I was fairly confident that I was not the murderer because, come on, that's way too obvious. But I got to be surly, shouty, and kind of a douchebag, so that was fun. Other highlights were all the ladies' costumes and hair, Jeff's elaborate German Duke uniform (saber included!), Mike's upbeat and aloof British Air Force pilot, and Noah's constant innuendos. He was very curious to know who had "rubbed one out." Also why Mike was "playing with his sack in the hallway." And everyone was curious about Kelsey's "intimate gatherings." In the end, Davia was the murderer, but that's ok because it was her birthday week and you're allowed one on your birthday.

The night quickly devolved from there - probably because of all the helpful wine! We met Davia's very charming friend Alexis who fit right in. I have never met someone so able to chat about the television industry with me. (My secret hobby is following industry gossip and analysis about television. I have loved this for years, and while I was in grad school getting my management and marketing major that was the industry I had in mind to work for.) We danced, we played Cards Against Humanity, and then I dropped Mike and Kelsey off at the metro and headed home.

Since then, I had a quiet Sunday. Turns out "Casa de Retarded" as Dan has named it still has no power. We got stuff for Dan to live at my place for a while, let him pay the rent, and ate pho in a Vietnamese place with no air conditioning. Two out of these three things was a SMART decision. Guess which one was my decision! Oh well, the pho was good, and I was able to get some much needed breakfasty food for this week. Now, I've got a great recess week at work, with one and a half days off and a July 4th party in PA to look forward to.

Well, that was a lot of stuff. And while Dan regales me with tales of the rape shield law (good times!), I leave you with a question. In the comments, can you describe a delightful night for our good friend Noah? He reads; I'm sure he'll be very intrigued by your answers. (My guess: smooth jazz, a nice alfredo, and the company of Alan Alda to regale him with tales from the set of M.A.S.H.) See, Noah, I took your liking me more - as you told me last Tuesday - to heart, and I feel we've bonded. Let me know if I nailed it.